is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
