I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
