You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
