I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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