trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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