Say something about gay babies.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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