last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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