There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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