no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
