Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize