We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
