Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
