youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
