I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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