Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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