I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
