i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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