Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
