I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
