East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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