He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize