I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
