shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
