Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
