I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
