even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
