I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize