dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
