there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
