All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
