who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
