I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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