I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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