Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
