So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
