So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize