I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
