I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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