Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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