come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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