i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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