So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
