I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
