At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
