Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
