Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
