Fine. I'll sleep in my office
People in love make me want to vomit
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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