How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we're making bets on your personal life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
