singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
