i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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