I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
