Me too!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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