Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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