i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
