So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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