i think my tv is drunk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
