cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had sex on a dog bed..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just puked most of my soul out..
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