remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My ass is underappreciated
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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