I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
