1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
