worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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