something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
