Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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