when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
