Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she pinky promised me she was 18
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
