I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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