The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
