Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
