Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
why do cheetos always look like penises
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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