I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
