I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
