I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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